One in the endless list of things I don't understand

[forsyth]

Okay. One of the time-tested plots of things is two people fighting over the affections of a third. That's all well and good, classic, completely understandable. Except. The thing I don't get about it. Okay. So the thing is. You lure this person away from whoever they're currently with, for whatever justification (they're a jerk, they don't deserve them, etc, etc), whatever, right? Hurray for the hero, and the jerk gets his comeuppance, right? (substitute appropriate gender terms as available, but I'm a guy, and it's slightly more common to see men fighting over women, so)

For example. Spiderman 2. MJ runs off from the wedding because she realizes she loves Spidey. AWWWW. So kyoote!

Except, here's the thing. If the person could be lured away from someone else, wouldn't that kind of be a sign they can be lured away from YOU, too? You're basically betting you can be more awesome than every other person they meet ever, or that somehow, this time's different, even after you've proved their loyalty has limits. Maybe it's just me, but that sounds stupid and self-defeating.

Now, it may make perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective (after all, sometimes only one time's necessary for genes to get passed on), and maybe you'd only have to be awesomer than the world for long enough for all the pheremonic and other sorts of semi-instinctive pair bonding things to kick in, and I guess that could work, but still. And yes, I know humans are more complicated than I'm going into here, but it still doesn't make sense. Steal someone away from who they used to be with, then you have no cause to be surprised when they get stolen by someone else.

Actually, that might make a good plot point for something. Character A steals character B's affections from character C, then character A is shocked, SHOCKED! when character D steals character C's affections. And character C goes "Well, dude, that you could steal me away really shoulda bee a clue."

I dunno, maybe I'm just cynical tonight.

Comments

[frustratedpilot]

My mother writes romance novels...and one of her favorites was the one in which the other woman totally fails to steal hero from heroine, even though hero thought heroine was marrying somebody else and so was unavailable. It was a more complex story than that...and Mom wound up liking the other woman character so much she made her the heroine of the next book. (Unfortunately she had to change the names, because the publisher didn't like the idea of sequels, but the character is basically the same as originally created.)

Love triangles are popular because they actually happen in real-life sometimes, people falling in love with somebody totally wrong for them, while being oblivious to a better potential mate right in front of them. But I have to agree that it's a tired idea.

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm not just talking about in stories, and I'm not just talking about love triangles. Stealing someone away from a relationship they're already in, while the staple of many a romantic comedy, just Doesn't Make Sense to me. Unless it's for a temporary relationship, because going into it, you KNOW they're not going to be able to be completely loyal. You proved that. Love triangles are another manifestation of the same kind of thing, but not as extreme.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

It's one of those situations where intellectual logic Does Not Apply. Hormones and psychology and wish-fulfilment and stubbornness and emotions are the drivers. And as you said, it's probably based on the "Can I get together with person X long enough to pass on my genes, hopefully multiple times, doubly-hopefully putting in enough effort along the way so that they don't run off with someone else?" factor.

There's a logic, but it's the bleak logic of evolution and genetics and probability rather than the clean logic of the mind. They have different goals, and when it comes to relationships (especially among hormone-fuelled teens and tweens), the goals of the flesh ride roughshod over all others.

We dress it up as 'romance' and 'passion' and 'young love', but it's really all about the chance to get your DNA together with a better quality and range of partners than those you perceive as rivals. Stealing a really attractive person away from a rival boosts your own reproductive chances (and often, social standing) and decreases the rival's all in one go, making it a very desirable option from the viewpoint of reproductive logic.

[(Anonymous)]

There are all sorts of reasons for being in an established relationship which are bad reasons and can be trumped by good reasons. Simple fact. Not every instance of someone leaving someone for someone else indicates that they're a fickle flighty person who is going someplace else now.

On the other hand there are also people who are inconstant in relationships. Badly so. Our culture has underlined that 'love' is vastly more important than 'duty', thus justifying twits who fall in and out of love in breaking hearts right and left as they play quick-change partners looking for someone they won't get bored with.

So, eh. It can mean nothing, or it can mean something.

[leticia.livejournal.com]

Sorry. I didn't think it posted. >_

[leticia.livejournal.com]

There are all sorts of reasons for being in an established relationship which are bad reasons and can be trumped by good reasons. Simple fact. Not every instance of someone leaving someone for someone else indicates that they're a fickle flighty person who is going someplace else now.

On the other hand there are also people who are inconstant in relationships. Badly so. Our culture has underlined that 'love' is vastly more important than 'duty', thus justifying twits who fall in and out of love in breaking hearts right and left as they play quick-change partners looking for someone they won't get bored with.

So, eh. It can mean nothing, or it can mean something.

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

I dunno. To my mind, there's a difference between leaving someone, and leaving someone for somebody else. No matter how good the reasons may be (or seem). And I realize there's not much practical difference between leaving somebody and hooking up with someone else a week later and just leaving directly to the other person, but it feels different, kinda. Maybe I'm just over-romanticizing relationships, as I tend to do.

[shaenon.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's popular simply because everyone, everywhere, has at some point loved someone who was unavailable (they're in a relationship, you're in a relationship, they're your eighth-grade French teacher, whatever), so the fantasy of stealing a love object away from a rival has universal appeal.

It does bother me when it gets to the point of actually standing someone up at the altar, like in Spider-Man 2. I mean, that's not just inconstant, it's stone-cold *mean*. Think of all the poor guests who have to stand around and make uncomfortable chit-chat. And then there's all those Nora Ephron movies where the characters have nice but imperfect significant others whom they dump unceremoniously as soon as the One True Love sails into view. So sad.