Another question

[forsyth]

Why do women and men still expect such different things from relationships? Shouldn't somebody, somewhere along the line, have gone "Okay, folks, this isn't working out. We need something simpler here."

Comments

[leticia.livejournal.com]

DO men and women want different things?
Certainly, different people want different things, but are you so sure the division's all gender lines?
What do you think men want and women want?

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

If I had any idea what women want, would I still be single?

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

I should add the caveat that if women wanted something like female praying mantisii have or something, I'd still be single, but you know what I mean.

[leticia.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly!

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

Okay, I've got one for you. The "just friends" thing. Women are many times more likely to use that than guys are. And once women do the "just friends" thing, that's it, end of story, do not pass go. Whereas guys rarely do the "just friends" thing. The only reason guys do that is if they're really not attracted to the woman, for whatever reason, or if the woman's in a relationship. Otherwise, it's a matter of not acting like it.

Which, I suppose could just mean women aren't attracted to most guys, which is certainly plausible, especially guys such as nerds, which is definite.

[leticia.livejournal.com]

'Scuse me? Are they? Is it?
Do you have scientific studies on this, or is this like the 'women talk too much' thing which when videotaped and recorded is usually women talking /less than 40% of the time/?

[leticia.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I'm not /just/ trying to be argumentative about this. But just like 'everyone' knows women gossip and talk all the time, when actual /recorded data/ is examined, things are often different than what everyone knows.

Everyone knows women do the Just Friends thing. But I've gotten it from more men than I've given it to.

ALSO: It is the cultural assumption that men will make the first move.
THis means as a general rule, men are doing the asking, and thus getting the Just Friends. If the balance of this was more equal, probably as many women as men would get it.

What women get from men instead is the "Just fuck-buddies" speech.</sardonic>

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's any way to do a real scientific survey on something like that. Or if there is, it'd be ridiculously complex, since it's have to involve X hundred people, of all sorts of different types, and take probably at least a year, and everyone involved would have plenty of reason to lie.

However! I have gotten "just friends" from a great many more women than men.

Wait, that came out wrong.

[leticia.livejournal.com]

These things - our perceptions of them - are so deeply coded, that lying isn't the issue.

A study was done; several teachers, male and female, were videotaped dealing with their classes. They thought they were dividing their attention evenly between male and female. But when the tape was timed, the split was approximately 70%/30%.

Needless to say, these results shocked the teachers. They may a concentrated effort to do better.

Results? Everyone, teachers, boys, /and/ girls felt that the girls were getting more than their share...

...the split was 60%/40%, with males still getting the lion's share.

If any of them had been asked, they would have given inaccurate answers not out of any intent to lie, but because our culture deeply codes the subjugation of women.

Are we getting better? Yeah, I think so. But it's warning to all of us who want actual equality - as I assume you do - to always, always rethink our assumptions about gender interactions. What everyone knows, what everyone perceives... isn't always true.

[forsythferret.livejournal.com]

I know, you mentioned those results before. I was talking more about doing a scientific study of "just friends". You can't really just plop a tape recorder into a classroom for something like that.