Global Assumptions

[forsyth]

This is another one of those things that's really obvious, but still hard to notice. Or maybe it's just the difference between knowing and understanding.

Other people don't share my assumptions on how the world works.

The kinds of things I reflexively think "just are" aren't always. Okay, hang on, let me back up here. I don't mean about how the world works in the physical sense (though there are people who don't, but that's an entirely different subject), I mean like social stuff. How people interact, and what's expected of people, and how different people should be treated, that kind of thing.

There's two main reasons for this. One is from reading 1632 and its sequels, which go into a good bit of detail at various points about how people growing up in completely different environments have completely different assumptions about their place in the world, how people interact, and all that kind of thing.

The other is a conversation I was having with one of my friends. The conversation had turned to relationships, and she said "I'd vote you least likely to cheat on a woman." I just sorta looked at her puzzled, and shrugged. I wasn't going to argue with her, but that really didn't strike me as something that mattered. Even though I tend to agree with her. So I wouldn't cheat on a girlfriend. And? That's one of the basic parts of a relationship, that's not something special. That's like going around boasting about breathing.

So, in my copious free time to think at work, when I'm just doing stupid crap that doesn't require thought, I was thinking about that. Which made me realize that what I consider a decent basic level of civilized behavior that's not really worth commenting on isn't something everybody shares. It's a kinda weird thought. Though it does explain quite a few things, but there's still a very weird sense to realizing other people don't think the way I do. And not just because it means I could be fundamentally wrong about some important things.

Comments

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I've been told that I apparently do something similar. megpie71 has told me on numerous occasions that it's really irritating when I act as if some unspoken societal barrier doesn't exist, and thus for me it doesn't.

The problem is not so much that I act as if the "brick wall" doesn't exist, but that I was never aware of it existing in the first place. I'm seeing a wide-open plain where others are seeing a labyrinth, but I still can't tell which (if either) is the true representation.

I've never had a bad experience as a result of walking through where these brick walls are supposed to be, so I can only assume they don't exist. Certainly I would expect some measure of retribution, rudeness, or revulsion from other people if I had violated an unspoken rule, much as if I'd walked on grass near a "keep off the grass" sign, but I haven't seen any reaction of the sort.

I'm beginning to feel like Harald the Missionary in _Eric the Viking_.

[peterchayward.livejournal.com]

Yes! At work I've noticed this particularly - without my knowledge, or any effort from my part, I've developed a reputation as one of the better guys to work with, because if someone from the kitchen (I wash dishes in a restaurant) says that they need more of something in particular, I get them whatever they need pronto.

I thought this was pretty standard. Apparently I'm one of the only guys who do it.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

"That's like going around boasting about breathing."

That reminds me of Chris Rock's routine about "the difference between black people and n*****s".