Nobody Knows Anything

So, I've been trying to tweak my resume, and reading online to find hints, and I've come to this conclusion. Nobody knows a damn thing about resumes, except to keep it short, because HR people have short attention spans and hundreds to look at. Other than that, some say yes to objectives, others say goals, some say neither, some say chronological order of jobs, others say relevance, some say paragraphs for what you did, others say sentences, others say fewer words the better.

Sheesh, it makes it harder to figure out what to put for things than if I'd just written something.