Empathy is Hard

[forsyth]

It really is. Getting it into your head that somebody else is a person just like you, and they're walking around wrapped up in their own world of thoughts and worries and things, just like you. But the fog of thoughts makes it almost impossible to see somebody else's.

And I'm no good at it, really. Which makes me some kind of hypocrite, I'm sure, given the stuff I say, but.

The human mind does generally seem to be wired to deal with other humans, especially faces. To the point where things vaguely like a face can seem expressive. Even just two dots and a line, like so :)

But I'm not very good at it. I'm utter rubbish. I have an hard time keeping interested in somebody, and not treating them like the equivalent of an NPC in an RPG, where you talk to them long enough to get the info/item/convince them to join your party, then walk off. I don't do the small-talk thing. I miss all of whatever little subtle clues people are supposed to pick up on. People just generally, well, aren't interesting. Part of this probably has to do with practice, never learned the things, so didn't learn them later, and so on, which does somewhat influence brain structure, which is why habits are so hard to break and people are creatures of routine. And some of it's, I dunno.

In the abstract, though, I care a lot about people. And online, through text, I'm decent at reading people, but that's a matter of text, not at all the same subject. And people tend to be more blatant online, 'cause all the little cues aren't there.

So yeah. Empathy is hard. But you have to at least try and remember other people are going through life pretty much the same way you are. Everybody's at the center of their own moving screen, and the rest of us are just standing around saying "Welcome to Coneria!"

Tags: Mindscribbles,Me, Life, The Universe, and Everything

Comments

Cross genre

[go-dorito.livejournal.com]

You only have so much effort you can put into others each day.

I say just deal with those folks which are worth the effort.

Not a very buddha way to look at it.

Darn it... I have to go meditate now and figure out IF there is actually an "Other People" limit breaker gauge...

Bugger, I hate it when I do that...

*wanders off muttering*

[evilcarp.livejournal.com]

Empathy is hard if you are good at it too. Can you imagine, knowing just what other people are thinking all the time, desperately wishing you could help or make them feel better, and knowing that despite the fact that you can feel exactly what they're feeling, there isn't anything you can do to make them feel any better.

[kalifla.livejournal.com]

Heh.
It's very funny hearing someone else's view on this played out, finally. Before I turned ten and after reading much philosophy provided by my grandfather, I'd come to the then-stunning realization that everyone is essentially in their own universe. My universe is not his universe, his universe can overlap with mine and hers but hers is different from both of ours. I reasserted this position when I read Mostly Harmless which explained the Whole Sort of General Mish Mash and the fact that everyone has their own filter through which the universe comes through, and not necessarily everything is the same in every case. What defines a group reality is what everyone gets a general consensus on.
We walk with the sky over us and the ground below us because the majority defined that with senses.

Back to the point, I'm one of those people that has trouble actually controlling empathy. (I really think in a lot of cases it's innate talent, racial memory of entire libraries of body movement and expression with their definitions.) And though it can be limited with text and people online, when you learn the appropriate motions it can still be effective enough.

You should not feel so guilty about not being able to empathize with other people, man. It's literally impossible to feel what they are feeling. You have your universe and it is separate from theirs. All it takes is whatever talent it is you use to step inside the body of a roguish talking ferret and apply it to them. Roleplay them, guess at what their universe is like, and you'll know what they are most likely feeling. I can't tell you how to respond from there, that's all you, babe.

[kalifla.livejournal.com]

Minor addendum: Best way to use that forementioned gaming metaphor with empathy is to realize that you're not in a single player rpg, you're in an MMO with hundreds (if not thousands) of other potential teammates with agendas that are probably in line with yours.