Eh

[forsyth]

Why do I write crap then post it to LJ? I dunno, to prove I'm at least writing, I guess?


"The power to tear down the world!" Kalak gloated, perched upon the magical pedestal he'd painstakingly built and tuned.

"I kinda like the world, all my stuff is here. Why destroy it?" I asked.

Kalak glared at me, his eyes buried behind coruscating occult fire. Which kinda defeated the glare. "It's tried to destroy me, ferret," he hissed, "and my father thinks he can protect it. He'll see who's stronger now!"

His pedestal was surrounded by crystals spouting magic in toward him, splashing and pooling like a fountain that could turn you into a canary if you sneezed wrong around it. At least, that's what I guessed, from the showy flares and streams of almost-fire. Kalak started laughing, that insane kind people use when they're drunk on something and about to do something completely stupid. Flames danced out of his mouth with each laugh, which made him break out coughing. I stepped away from the top of the stairs and under one of the arches, dark clouds were coming, promising rain. "Why do you guys always build these kinda things outside on huge towers like this, are you trying to draw in Heroes?"

Kalak turned toward me, after burping up a lime green fireball. "You are the best Hero my father could come up with? PAH! FATHER! THIS IS THE BEST YOU COULD DO?" he screamed to the sky.

"I don't even know your dad," I said.

He gaped at me. "But... I have become infamous far and wide! Surely you've heard the tales of Kalak the Twisted and his eternal war with his father, Sam, God of Pie."

I shook my head. "Nope, not a word. So, you've got issues with your dad, big deal. Everybody does. What's your point?"

The flare-y outline around him started to thrash. "You belittle my pain!" he declared, "Mock my everlasting hatred!"

"So, what'd he do?"

"He was never there! The only times I saw him were at the annual Festival of Pie, and even then he never spoke to me! The winners would get wondrous pies, but his son, oh no, that'd be favoritism, couldn't have that. Do you know how much I've grown to detest pie? The flaky crust, the rich fruit filling..."

Okay, next time, ignore the big shiny tower out in the wilderness, I'm just gonna burgle the mayor's house. Yeah, right. "You're making me hungry. If you really want a pie, my dad's a baker, but that's kinda far for it to stay warm," I said.

Kalak spun on his pedestal, almost hit the edge, and windmilled for a minute. "I hate pie!" he shouted once again, "And I'll show Father! HA!"
"Y'know, most people just settle for throwing toys as tantrums."

He spun an arm and sent sparks of magic every which way. An otherwise innocent table caught a splash and turned into a surprised porcupine, which scuttled away. "This is not a tantrum! This is revenge!"

"Yeah, okay," I said, then walked over to one of the crystals and started shoving the base.

Well, hey. At this rate, somebody was liable to get hurt. Probably Kalak. "Don't touch that," he yelled, "I'll destroy you for interfering!"

After a line like that, it's predictable how things ended up, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know why either, though I suppose it's a good thing nobody competent has tried to destroy the world. I guess even crazies need somewhere to keep their stuff.