"There is an epidemic sweeping our country! An epidemic that targets the very nature of America. An epidemic of whiny, "sensitive" bands whose songs consist of guys moaning about how their girlfriend left them.
"This is why we have created the "Rock Out or Get the Fuck Off the Stage" bill. This law requires all bands who would call themselves rock bands to rock the fuck out at least once per show and album. There are those who would protest we're limiting artistic freedom, but you're in a band, with groupies. I'm sure you can find something worth rocking about."
(And yeah, they're more weekly than daily these days.)