This Post is Entirely About Sex
May. 3rd, 2005 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
forsythWell, okay, there's a little bit about bookselling, too.
So, I'm working at Barnes and Noble now. And when I was walking around the other day, I noticed these two books, that were stacked face out on the shelf. This was probably because the titles were in big red letters across pictures of tasteful nudes. One was called Blow Him and the other was called Going Down. (And I'm linking Amazon even though I work at B&N, because Amazon has a Firefox search plugin. BN.com doesn't. And who cares, anyway?)
Okay, now that the easily offended are gone, on with the story, kids. Today, when I was shelving and other random things and went by the same area, I noticed there was only one of them. Now, they could have been reshelved, or any number of other things, I didn't have time to look, I was dealing with a customer. But I wasn't terribly surprised that Blow Him would still be there, and Going Down be gone. I'll explain why. This is going to have lots of generalities, so if they don't apply to you, etc, etc. And I could be wrong, there's lots of people in the world. But anyway!
See, the thing is, I can see women being much more likely to buy either book than men. I can't really see any straight guys buying Blow Him at all. For several reasons. Insecurity would probably be first. Then because to most guys, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad, it's pretty good, so who cares? And third, because almost no guy would ever buy something like that for a female. Especially not one they're dating. I can see it being bought as a "joke gift" for a female friend, which would probably result in pain, but. There's a simple reason for this. Like I said, to guys, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad, it's pretty good, but if you bought a woman a guide to sex, she'd probably take it as an insult. "Well, FINE, if I'm not good enough at sex, let's see how you like none!" Way too easy to have it come across as an insult and end up in pain, no sex, and more pain. Which would defeat the point of a better sex book. Also, that aside, a book like that would really be a present to yourself, for obvious reasons.
Now if a guy bought Going Down, and didn't flaunt it, then he'd probably earn major brownie points when she found out about it, and cement the whole "nice feminist guy" thing. Also, it'd work for the same simple reason that guys should support good sex for women. Besides all the nice happy feminist reasons, which are true, there's the simple matter of if she enjoys sex, she's more likely to say yes next time, which is the utterly selfish reason.
On the other hand, women could buy either book. Blow Him for the ones who want to get better at guys, for whatever reasons, and Going Down not only for lesbians, but for them to chuck into their boyfriend's lap and go "read this". Which wouldn't have nearly the same effect as the reverse. Oh, sure the guy might get insulted, but here's the thing. Guys are sluts. Insulted, maybe, but most guys wouldn't go "no sex for you, then, I'm so insulted!" Because guys are sluts, and because that just plain wouldn't work. Women have more options, including better sex toys.
So that's my tentative theory on why the books sold the way they appeared to. Also, for most guys, the mere fact of getting laid outweighs such minor questions as "Was it good?" "Am I gonna be late for work?" or "Am I gay?" When it comes to sex, guys tend to be fundamentally simple creatures.
I think this whole post says three things, one, I think too much, two, I'm lonely, and three I'll leave up to your imagination.
(Disclaimer, I have not read either book, I'm sure they're well researched and sex positive and whatever buzzwords, but such tomes are of no use to me. Sorta like books on swimming in the Sahara.)
Tags: Mindscribbles, Sex, Books
So, I'm working at Barnes and Noble now. And when I was walking around the other day, I noticed these two books, that were stacked face out on the shelf. This was probably because the titles were in big red letters across pictures of tasteful nudes. One was called Blow Him and the other was called Going Down. (And I'm linking Amazon even though I work at B&N, because Amazon has a Firefox search plugin. BN.com doesn't. And who cares, anyway?)
Okay, now that the easily offended are gone, on with the story, kids. Today, when I was shelving and other random things and went by the same area, I noticed there was only one of them. Now, they could have been reshelved, or any number of other things, I didn't have time to look, I was dealing with a customer. But I wasn't terribly surprised that Blow Him would still be there, and Going Down be gone. I'll explain why. This is going to have lots of generalities, so if they don't apply to you, etc, etc. And I could be wrong, there's lots of people in the world. But anyway!
See, the thing is, I can see women being much more likely to buy either book than men. I can't really see any straight guys buying Blow Him at all. For several reasons. Insecurity would probably be first. Then because to most guys, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad, it's pretty good, so who cares? And third, because almost no guy would ever buy something like that for a female. Especially not one they're dating. I can see it being bought as a "joke gift" for a female friend, which would probably result in pain, but. There's a simple reason for this. Like I said, to guys, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad, it's pretty good, but if you bought a woman a guide to sex, she'd probably take it as an insult. "Well, FINE, if I'm not good enough at sex, let's see how you like none!" Way too easy to have it come across as an insult and end up in pain, no sex, and more pain. Which would defeat the point of a better sex book. Also, that aside, a book like that would really be a present to yourself, for obvious reasons.
Now if a guy bought Going Down, and didn't flaunt it, then he'd probably earn major brownie points when she found out about it, and cement the whole "nice feminist guy" thing. Also, it'd work for the same simple reason that guys should support good sex for women. Besides all the nice happy feminist reasons, which are true, there's the simple matter of if she enjoys sex, she's more likely to say yes next time, which is the utterly selfish reason.
On the other hand, women could buy either book. Blow Him for the ones who want to get better at guys, for whatever reasons, and Going Down not only for lesbians, but for them to chuck into their boyfriend's lap and go "read this". Which wouldn't have nearly the same effect as the reverse. Oh, sure the guy might get insulted, but here's the thing. Guys are sluts. Insulted, maybe, but most guys wouldn't go "no sex for you, then, I'm so insulted!" Because guys are sluts, and because that just plain wouldn't work. Women have more options, including better sex toys.
So that's my tentative theory on why the books sold the way they appeared to. Also, for most guys, the mere fact of getting laid outweighs such minor questions as "Was it good?" "Am I gonna be late for work?" or "Am I gay?" When it comes to sex, guys tend to be fundamentally simple creatures.
I think this whole post says three things, one, I think too much, two, I'm lonely, and three I'll leave up to your imagination.
(Disclaimer, I have not read either book, I'm sure they're well researched and sex positive and whatever buzzwords, but such tomes are of no use to me. Sorta like books on swimming in the Sahara.)
Tags: Mindscribbles, Sex, Books
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 07:54 pm (UTC)One of the questions was a guy complaining how his girl doesn't give him blowjobs even tho he gives face. The general return was about 90% of the females saying "Learn to deal!" and the men saying "Dump her!" When questioning male had asked her about why she doesn't, she apparently burst into tears and said she just doesn't want to do so. (Indicating some sort of "really bad experience in the past")
The varience in answers, given in the anonymity of a tagboard, really showed me the difference in perceptions between men and women. Women think relationships are more important than sex.. and the men seem to think the relationship is something that gets you sex.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 10:51 pm (UTC)On the other hand, there's also the availability factor. Typically, it's a lot easier for a woman to get laid if she wants than a guy. So sex tends to be scarcer or at least less assured for guys, so they're going to value it more.
And also, for guys, bad sex is still pretty good, while apparently for women it's much more variable. Going by the "faking it" standard. Which I have only anecdotal and written evidence of, so I shall not assume too much.